Success!
i went to boston market today for lunch. this time i ordered a chicken caesar salad so that they wouldn't be able to toast any bread that i didn't want toasted. as i was sitting at a table by a window that looked out onto the drive through, i saw a guy that looked about my age, and he had scrubs on, and one of those little paper/clothy looking hats that ties on in the back...and i thought, "he looks my age. wow, he's really successful"
and since then, i've been thinking hard about success. i think success is a really personal thing. i don't think there really is a general standard of success. i can't even say, "according to the world's standards" because even the world seems to have a double standard for what success looks like.
like let's say there's this doctor, right? and he specializes in pediatrics. and he works in a big hospital and makes a lot of money. would the world say he's successful? would he? what if the only reason he specializes in pediatrics is that he got rejected for every single other specialty and the head of pediatrics is his dad's best friend from college and he hired him as a favor to his dad? would the world still say he's successful? would he say he was successful? maybe yes, maybe no. it's all relative. that's my point.
what about if there's a woman who lives in a van with her daughter? is she successful? what if she lives in the van because she was married to a man who was an alcoholic and he beat her, and one day she worked up the courage to leave him before he started beating their daughter? and she did it! she left! after all those years. and she's finally starting to believe that she's worth something again, only she's got nowhere to go, so she's living in the van with her kid while she looks for a job and a better life? is she successful?
i think success is so personal. and it depends so much on a person's goals and outlook on their life. there could be two people in the exact same situation in life, and one person would think they were a complete failure and the other person might be totally content with where they are, feeling like they've accomplished so much. like two students at a city college. maybe one of them was in the top 10% of his class in high school and had lofty dreams of going to an ivy league school. maybe he got wait-listed at a few of the universities he really wanted to go to and by some fluke, he missed a deadline or two for paperwork at a couple other schools, and so he's enrolled at Cerritos College. Maybe the other guy grew up in foster care and now he's 18 and there's no room for him in the system anymore, so he's on his own. and he went out and found a job and he works hard every day, and his boss likes him because he's driven, and a hard worker, so he promotes him. and now he's making enough money to pay for a small studio apartment and he's got enough money to pay for a full-time load of units at Cerritos College. so he enrolls. are they both successful? would they say they were successful? would the world?
anyway, i guess the thoughts i'm left with are that there's no way to judge success in other people. we may think someone has accomplished a lot, and maybe they have, but maybe they feel like none of it's what they really wanted...or that they could have done so much more, or so much better. and maybe they could have. but it's personal. so i'm going to try not to think "wow, he's really successful" anymore. because i don't know. and i don't want my assumptions to lead to comparisons that don't mean anything in the end anyway.
and since then, i've been thinking hard about success. i think success is a really personal thing. i don't think there really is a general standard of success. i can't even say, "according to the world's standards" because even the world seems to have a double standard for what success looks like.
like let's say there's this doctor, right? and he specializes in pediatrics. and he works in a big hospital and makes a lot of money. would the world say he's successful? would he? what if the only reason he specializes in pediatrics is that he got rejected for every single other specialty and the head of pediatrics is his dad's best friend from college and he hired him as a favor to his dad? would the world still say he's successful? would he say he was successful? maybe yes, maybe no. it's all relative. that's my point.
what about if there's a woman who lives in a van with her daughter? is she successful? what if she lives in the van because she was married to a man who was an alcoholic and he beat her, and one day she worked up the courage to leave him before he started beating their daughter? and she did it! she left! after all those years. and she's finally starting to believe that she's worth something again, only she's got nowhere to go, so she's living in the van with her kid while she looks for a job and a better life? is she successful?
i think success is so personal. and it depends so much on a person's goals and outlook on their life. there could be two people in the exact same situation in life, and one person would think they were a complete failure and the other person might be totally content with where they are, feeling like they've accomplished so much. like two students at a city college. maybe one of them was in the top 10% of his class in high school and had lofty dreams of going to an ivy league school. maybe he got wait-listed at a few of the universities he really wanted to go to and by some fluke, he missed a deadline or two for paperwork at a couple other schools, and so he's enrolled at Cerritos College. Maybe the other guy grew up in foster care and now he's 18 and there's no room for him in the system anymore, so he's on his own. and he went out and found a job and he works hard every day, and his boss likes him because he's driven, and a hard worker, so he promotes him. and now he's making enough money to pay for a small studio apartment and he's got enough money to pay for a full-time load of units at Cerritos College. so he enrolls. are they both successful? would they say they were successful? would the world?
anyway, i guess the thoughts i'm left with are that there's no way to judge success in other people. we may think someone has accomplished a lot, and maybe they have, but maybe they feel like none of it's what they really wanted...or that they could have done so much more, or so much better. and maybe they could have. but it's personal. so i'm going to try not to think "wow, he's really successful" anymore. because i don't know. and i don't want my assumptions to lead to comparisons that don't mean anything in the end anyway.
posted by Amy at 1:06 PM
2 Comments:
it's hard to judge someone's successes when you don't know their failures. They're kinda related. And very few people ever share their failures. So it's a guessing game, and it's not worth the effort. Good post
Ames - I've shared this with many of my close friends. You have a whole slew of new fans because of your insights into what's important. Wise beyond your years, kid.
love ya -
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