Wednesday, May 23, 2007

My favorite shaker set is the guy (salt) sitting on the tractor (pepper)

Well, I noticed The Blarg has done some friend-status that means it's time to post again! About what? I don't know. Let's see...what have I been doing lately...

On Wednesday last week the roommate with whom I share a bathroom left for Missouri to attend her brother's wedding. "What can I do with her gone that I can't do with her here?" I wondered..."I know!" I answered myself, "I can leave a 1/2 inch deep mixture of bleach and water, heavy on the bleach sitting at the bottom of the bathtub all night without worrying about her unknowingly stepping in the shower in the morning and burning the bottoms of her feet off." I am aware that this is a very lame thought. Let's just skip it, ok? So I did. Wednesday night, not only did I leave said mixture at the bottom of the tub, I also scrubbed the grout around the tub with bleach, water, 409, and tilex. Not all at the same time. Needless to say...

Over the weekend (or possibly Thursday) I decided I needed to buy a new shower curtain because the old one in my bathroom was yellow. Not that I have anything against yellow as a's just when things are yellow that are actually supposed to be white, that's gross. It wasn't a problem when the tub and tile were also yellow and rust colored. It became a problem sometime in the wee hours Thursday morning when the tub and tile turned white again. So on friday, I set out on my quest to find a shower curtain that would fit the following criteria:

A) Not yellow (it would defeat the purpose of replacing the old one)
B) Not white (it would inevitably turn yellow in time and no longer fit criterion A)
C) Not ugly

I found a curtain that fit all three criteria very nicely in that it is taupe and pretty. Then I had to find a matching rug because the blue rug we had matched the original curtain in its original state, but it would not match the new curtain. So I found a pretty rug. I bought both.

I woke up on Saturday and took a shower and decided that I was still not satisfied with the bathroom because while the new curtain and rug classed up the tub, they did nothing for the walls which were decorated with silver and white fixtures that someone (Marcos? Pam?) didn't bother to use a level to hang. I realized I could not do anything about it until later because I had a CPR class to go to. I went to said class, waited for the instructor to show up, which he did not do, and then left feeling gipped out of $40.

All was not lost. I went to Home Depot and looked at their poor selection of bathroom fixtures, then went to the world of high-priced home improvement, All-American Home Center. I found some pretty things, bought them, and went back home.

I happily removed the original fixtures from the walls and realized I could not use the same holes to hang the new standard 24" towel bar that I had purchased because the old one was a non-standard, 23" (which can often appear to be a standard 24" when one measures using their eyeballs, sans tape measure). I thought, "that's ok, I can use the holes on the left side and only drill more holes on the right so as to avoid drilling more holes than are necessary." No dice. As was mentioned before, the previous bar was not level. so in order to cover up the holes on the right, i would have to hang the new bar unlevel. That is unacceptable. But to hang the new bar level, the holes would be exposed. Also unacceptable. So I decided it would be best, for the sake of what's acceptable and what's not, to drill all new holes somewhere in between the previous holes, so as to hang the new bar level and hide all the holes.

I went to the garage to find my drill. I could not find it just by looking around and not getting dirty, so I changed my clothes and began digging through boxes. I found a lot of stuff that I had no idea why I kept in the first place. Those things went immediately to the trash can. I also found stuff that I had been looking for for a while (some salt and pepper shakers that I hadn't been able to find when I unpacked my things in November)...(my dad brings salt and pepper shakers to me when he comes home from business trips. they are awesome. the shakers, not the trips. i have no idea how the trips are.) I was also able to consolidate a lot of stuff into boxes leaving about 8 or 9 empty boxes that I will be glad to give to you, Denise, whenever you need them. You already know that because you called me. Then, after maybe an hour or so, I found my drill, put all the boxes back, and went back inside. I began to drill holes, and I will say, I am pretty proud of myself...I drilled only the amount of holes I needed, and Everything came out level on the first try. I hung a new towel bar, a new toilet paper holder, and a glass shelf.

I am now satisfied with the bathroom.

And I am getting a refund from the American Red Cross.

Discussion Questions

1. Why is there a standard of 24 inches if not all towel-bar manufacturers are going to adhere to the standard measurement? What's the point?

2. Do you own a drill? Why or why not?

3. Don't you hate it when things that should be level aren't level? Discuss.

4. Was my usage of the singular and plural forms of "criterion" correct? Just checking.