i could have gotten better grades this semester if i hadn't been trying to learn spanish.

how's this for a load of (insert appropriate foul language here)? i've spent five months writing to a guy in ecuador. i like this guy. a lot. i want to go back and spend more time there, working with their drama group, working with the youth, especially with the girls. and obvously, getting to know Leo better. how much can i really learn about him through e-mails and text messages anyway? i wrote to Sandra last week. she is Marcelo's wife, they are missionaries from Chile who planted this church in ecuador. i wrote to her to say, "hey, i've been thinking i'd really like to come back in the summer and spend time there, and yes, a significant part of this desire comes from wanting to get to know this guy better in person, but i wouldn't want to come to ecuador just to go on a few dates with someone. i would love to help with the theater in the church if i can, i feel really passionate for that ministry." i thought it would be better to be up front with that. she writes back saying basically, "we would love to have you. it would be good for Manuel if you worked with him on the theater ministry. but we would only be ok with this if you are just friends with Leo. Marcelo has talked with him about this and he knows that." he has? interesting. so i write to Leo and say, "hey, this is what Sandra told me. why didn't you say anything about that before?" and the letter i get tonight says, "no, Marcelo never said anything like that, but if that's how you think it should be, then fine. i understand. goodbye friend."

am i overreacting by being a little hurt by this? or did i really just get an indirect "let's just be friends" five months later?

i feel like i'm going to throw up.